This Is My Now

This is it! This is the time to live my life, I have made the mistakes I should’ve learned from as a teenager, I consider myself to be an educated adult now. It’s time, time to live it out. I hope that I know what is wrong and what is right but I missed out on something so big as a teenager, taking risks! I am now twenty and I want to live life to the fullest. I spent most of my teen years planning my future, now that I have my head on straight and know my goals set I think its time to make it all happen. I have lived my whole life looking forward to having a family, a job, unconditional love...I can feel it coming into my life and I am overjoyed. 

My parents are still controlling parts of my life, but I really believe that it is time to step my foot down. There are things I want to experience before I a have graduated, before I am married with kids. Things I want to experience with my friends and my family. I need to do things for myself so that when I am married with kids and so set on making them number one in my life, I can look back at my life and think, I lived the life I wanted to live with no regrets. 

It’s time to travel, time to live in the woods for a couple days to rough it. It’s time to study, focus, so I can be successful. It’s time to serve, time to go to Africa. It’s time to live. It will soon be time to move out for a semester, live on my own for a bit to learn how difficult it really is. I find this so necessary, I think that I can live on my own but in the back of my head I really know that I depend on my parents so much. As much as I enjoy going out with my friends all the time I really do look forward to a home cooked egyptian meal. I enjoy cuddling up in bed with my parents and playing cards with them most summer nights. Sadly, this tradition is diminishing as the Egyptian elections have taken over our home. I stay out late to avoid listening to news anchors on the TV. 

It’s time to take care of myself, I have lots of injuries that have not fully recovered from. It’s time to make healthier decisions for my future, it is time for change. There is no room to avoid surgeries for some childish fear of blood and needles. It is time to make a change for the better. This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I have lived two decades, I have made memories; I have learned and experienced a lot. I want more. I am hungry for change, for experiences, I want to move on with my life. Those people, those things holding me back from my dreams. Gone.  This is it. This is my now.

Decisions, Decisions

          There comes a time in one’s life when a difficult decision must be made. I consider myself to be a pretty decisive person, when I must make decisions for myself. Planning my immediate and far fetched future has been a hobby of mine, but I have yet another decision to make and this one isn’t coming to me particularly easy. 

           This decision of mine is the most difficult one I have had to make throughout my entire life, its kept me up at night and woken me up from deep sleep. Just as the thought of it crosses my mind, my face freezes in a very dull and unresponsive expression. What is this decision you may ask? It is the decision to move on. 

          So many recent events in my life have lead me to consider this, there are facts of life that I do not have control over that I am dwelling on. I know in my heart that I need to move on and let them be. There are other parts of my life that I have full control over. I am fully aware however, that they are completely destroying me. I need to let them go, but how?

         I feel like a monster, and have felt that way for a couple months. A horrific, emotional mess of a monster. I can’t come to terms with my decision to move on. It’s like my brain is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me something completely different. As a reader, you are unaware of the specific parts of my life that are destroying me, let me tell you that its like having the one thing that you live for completely taken away from you. Things that I thought were set in stone for every person, are not so in my case. I am so lost. 

          Do you know what a workaholic is? Yes, I consider myself to be one. I have been working literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to get my mind off of the things holding me back, but it is so difficult. I had one week to change things, ultimately the one week was given to me, I used it wisely I believe. Now, that week is over and I do not know how to handle it. I don’t know what to do or say next, I feel like I need to cry out for help. I am crying out for help, please help me. Comment, text me, email me, contact me, anything. Just a go with your heart or a go with your brain will do. Obviously, this wise decision to move on is not sticking with me, or maybe its just the fact that I do not know how to handle it on my own. I need a sense of direction! 

         So, now I get to decide my next step. Will I choose to continue communication or cease all forms of it? Will I decide to give someone else full control over the things that I myself cannot control, or will I try to be proactive to change the “unchangeable” situation myself? I really do not know still, all I am sure of is the decision I have made, the decision to move on from the things that are holding me back from a pink and perfect world, my hopeful future. 

I'll be back soon!

Sorry readers for my lack of posts, I will be back soon with some new material. Hopefully I will gain some inspiration in these next few weeks. Hope you are all enjoying summer.

XOXO Gina

Be The Change You Want To See In The World

An open door for a fellow classmate or pulling over to help the woman with a flat tire are just a couple ways to help the people in this world. I want to see the world we live in today become a kinder place, especially in America where we are raised to be independent and self-sufficient. It is difficult for us to be kind to people that cannot benefit us in any way. It is human nature to be self indulgent, but when someone needs our help would should think less of ourselves and more about the other person in need. I am not talking specifically about the poor that live on streets or the children without food in Africa. Here in Troy, it is difficult to help in these situations, which is why I urge people to look for opportunities to be of help to others in their immediate environment. 

“If we can change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him...we need not wait to see what others do” this quote is the original saying by Ghandi about being the change we want to see in the world. Here Ghandi is telling us that both personal and social transformations go hand in hand. Although, many people wish that the latter saying is true (“be the change you want to see in the world”) it just isn’t realistic. Many people need to work for there to be change. When one person smiles, it is more likely that someone who sees them smile will smile also. If I open a door for someone, more than likely they will also open the door for the next person. It’s like a domino effect of good. 

Hand in hand we shall progress, be the change, let’s make this world a kinder place.

Looking for some ideas to make the world a better place now? Visit:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/05/08/88-ways-to-make-a-stranger-smile/

http://www.dcor.state.ga.us/pdf/38-Ways.pdf

Managing a Stress Free Life

         

         I guess I don't quite understand why people stress out. The concept of stressing out doesn't exactly make sense to me very much. If you plan out your schedule well and follow through with it precisely you should not ever stress out. I don't exactly know what is wrong with me! I don't stress, I don't like to stress. It's just me... or is it? I wish I can meet someone one day with the same outlook on stress as me, just so that I do not feel insane all the time when I talk to people about my stress free life.

I have in fact felt worried before, particularly around the final weeks of my winter semester, but I feel like I handled it well. I accepted the fact that I had a lot to do, I made a schedule to adhere to, and followed through with it. I got my work done in time and did surprisingly well. I really wish I had some secret to share about how I manage to live a stress free life, but I don't. I am a happy person, I generally try to forgive and forget immediately if someone bothers me, I do a great job of letting people go who bring me down. Is this some secret? No, it's a way of live. I feel that if everyone wanted to live their lives this way they would. 

I do not stress out about failure, if I put in my effort (and honestly even if I don't put in 100%) I do not worry, at all. I won't lie though, there were times in my life when I was very stressed out, to the point where I would cry myself to sleep daily. This time in my life has passed, thank God. My stress didn't come from within though, it was external; pressures and the hope I would live up to those surrounding me. As soon as I put an end to letting those external factors bother me, I began to feel happy and stress free. As a teenager still learning the way of life, I have found that I can make my own happiness in the world. 

I no longer stress about relationships. As a child and well into my teen years I had a very difficult time making friends. I can understand why that is now, I have a very outgoing and unique personality that sometimes overshadows those surrounding me. Not stressing about my relationships with family and close friends has allowed them to work smoothly without effort. Many say that you need to put forth so much effort in relationships, soon you realize however that if a relationship is meant to be it will happen naturally out of love. 

Stop stressing people! I know this sounds ridiculous on the surface, but please hear me out. The one thing I have really felt in this past year is love, love for myself. Again I say that if you want change in your life you must love yourself. Why on earth would you procrastinate and make your life miserably stressful if you love yourself? So, okay maybe this is a secret that everyone has yet to discover. Love. My blog is slowly coming to an end, soon I will be twenty and will no longer consider myself a teenager. Recently, this has really hit me, I believe that by the age of twenty, one should know a few things about how to manage life. I am overjoyed that I have learned to not stress before that age. I know that as a result of this many things in my future will come to me a lot easier, things like the impossible job hunt as an educator and the struggles with raising a family. 

A bid farewell with some food for thought: Adopting the right attitude can convert negative stress into a positive one. 

Mother's Day Love

Today, like many others, I spoiled my mother as a mother should always be spoiled (not just on a day that celebrates her existence as a mother). Our amazing mothers should be celebrated everyday, they work so hard for us. As a teenager I can say truthfully that I have disliked my mother at times in my life, and I look back and think why. She has always been there for me, always loved me, and really always wanted the best for me. I wanted today to be extra special for my mother, sort of as a makeup for old times or as I call it "the old me". So I took her out and got her a few little things to make her temporarily happy. Here's the problem with this, what money bought today is not going to make a difference tomorrow. 

Everyone celebrates mothers day, showering their mother's with beautiful arrangements or breakfast in bed. Special people celebrate and thank their mothers each and everyday for every single sacrifice made. A mothers love is seeing four pieces of pie for her family of five and deciding that she no longer is in the mood for pie. No one besides me and my brother will ever know the strength of our mothers love more than us, because we are the only one's that heard her heartbeat from the inside. 

As I near the old age of twenty, I have come to realize a change in me (refer to blog prior for more information). So as an addition to this change, with love of course, I plan on being more thankful for everything that my mom blesses me with. Whether or not I agree with her decisions I shall always appreciate her in any way possible. I vow to shower my mother with little surprises throughout the year, not just on the day that celebrates her existence. My mom does too much, for me to only thank her by spoiling her one day a year. I urge you my reader to shower your mother with love as often as you can, appreciate and say thank you aloud. It makes all the difference. 

I also want to take a moment to wish every single woman out there a happy mothers day. This doesn't make sense to most people but it makes a whole lot of sense to me. Young girls will be future mothers (if they wish), so I grant them a little special happy mothers day. Women whose children have passed away, I wish you a happy mothers day and I ask that God repose your child's soul in heaven. I want to wish a happy mothers day to women who are unable to have children to, for one reason or another God has prevented them from this blessing. So, happy mothers day to you too. It's really not fair that you can not have the joy of a mothers day when it is out of your hand. I wish a happy mother's day to all the pregnant women out there, you love your children already so I already consider you mothers. 

So finally I would like to wish a Happy Mothers day to the best mom in the world. My mother is amazing, truly amazing and I love her to death. She is my everything. Her love for me is unconditional and unselfish. I hope to one day be as good a mother as she is.

How I Changed & How You Can Too!

             

           Change can be a beautiful thing, my friends and family have witnessed a change in me over the past few months. At times, it is wonderful to be confronted about it, but at other times I just want to live my life in happiness without the judgements. Right now I am in a really good place and I know that it’s really impacting the changes present in my life. As the new year came I vowed not to make any new years resolutions, but as the month progressed I found myself taking better care of myself as a life change. I began working out to get stronger, I began eating differently, and thinking differently about food. All of these changes have come about and stayed on their own. Love, is keeping them going. Love for myself. Sometimes you have to love yourself to change yourself. Love is the only thing that moves us as humans. If you want to make a change in your life you must love. Whether you are changing for the one you love or the love of yourself, you must love.

          Love can never really be defined in its entirety, it means so many different things to so many different people, so love yourself in a way that you wish to be loved. This has come about for me in the way I present myself. I love dressing up and going out, this is how I love myself for change. So, instead of getting dressed up and going out every once in a while, I “dress to impress” whenever I leave my home. So, If I have to plan my outfits a week in advance, or buy an expensive shirt for an informal gathering, I’ll do it. 

          These changes that are taking place are for me, future me, and future family. They are happening because of love. I truly believe that change is not possible without love. So, for all of you out there who want to know how this is happening (the answer to my ‘dieting’ secrets) know that it is purely out of unconditional love for myself and those close to me. That secret ingredient keeping me going is not something that I have quit eating or a new exercise, it is just love. Love has a different meaning to each individual so learn your own love language and go from there. If you really want to change love yourself or do it because you love someone else.